Got No Money Guide to Home and Personal Security – Cricket Diane C Phillips – 2008

Got No Money Guide to Home and Personal Security
Copyright 2008, 2007, 1991 by Cricket Diane C Phillips
Got No Money Guide to Home Security

Most people get a sticker for their window that says,  Protected by xx Security and Alarm  or something like that. Then, of course, every month there is a fee for the company to protect the property by manning the alarms.

When you got no money, that isn’t realistic. So, to help the world of folks with no money, these are anti-theft suggestions and crime deterrents as stickers for the home, car and personal property:

*Already pawned everything of value.

*There’s a reason I drive a beat-up Ford.

*We were the 223 millionth American family to file for bankruptcy. What they didn’t take isn’t worth stealing.

*Ex air traffic controller – Ex postal carrier – go for it – make my day.
*Victim of impoverisation economic demographics. I’m poor. You can’t steal what I aint got.

*The government already got it.

*If you are looking for our money – the IRS has it.

*The credit cards in my wallet were maxed out three months ago. I was arrested at an atm for trying to withdraw my own money. The bankruptcy will be final eventually after my ex-wife’s lawyers are done screwing up my life. Have it all – your luck has to be better than mine.

*If you steal my checks or atm card – you’ll have to beat the checks to the bank just like I do.

*All our money was in a savings and loan.

*We down-sized. We’re doing without money, thankyou very much.

*We just paid our electric bill that was two months behind. Your timing is way, way off.

More Got No Money Guide to Home Security

More stickers for the protection of home, self and property:

*You can have everything in our house, if we can bum a couple packs of cigarettes from you. We’ll help you load it up.

*Steal what you want, but could we bum a couple packs of smokes off you. Our welfare check hasn’t come yet.

*We couldn’t afford our car insurance and this vehicle is registered with the State Office of No Insurance. Take it at your own risk. Oh yeah – and I’ve been meaning to get the brakes fixed – use the parking brake if you’re going to want to stop at all. Just tug real hard.

*Unemployed Taxpayer.

*The CEO of a major corporation lives several blocks over. We were down-sized and drawing welfare. Why waste the effort? If we had money to rob, guess what? We’d have already spent it on something. In fact, we did.

*We are shoplifting food at the grocery store to feed our family. Please come back on Monday, Wednesday or Thursday and we’ll talk shop.

*Our house is in foreclosure. Please feel free to take the rest so we don’t have to pay movers.
*Everything here came from the thrift store. Help yourself.

*We are justifiably poor. We follow a religious order. Apparently you need to join. We can save you. Come back when we’re here and we will.

*Do you know how many ways you can make macaroni and cheese into different meals? We do. We aren’t doing that because we can afford to go out to eat. Our children think happy meals are days we can eat rice and bologna. Don’t tell ’em.

*The trash in our yard is not a status thing. We don’t have money for that. We are not robbable, unless . . . never mind, you probably have your own trash cans.

*Who told you to come to this neighborhood anyway? We would live somewhere else, if we had any money.

*Our bankruptcy is final. Thanks for stopping by – it’s a little late but there is a roll of toilet paper left if you hurry.

*We had money once. Please try us again in five years.

*Unemployed long enough to hate everybody. Come on in.

*We own a black and white tv. The children put rocks in our cassette player. We have two lamps that don’t work and the telephone’s ringer don’t ring since I threw it at the wall. If you really want it – go for it.

*Official member of the working poor.

*If you leave your address and phone number, we’ll be glad to let you know when we can afford to be robbed.

More stickets to stave off the bad guys from your home, self and property:

* We won’t be available for robbery until next year or later. This year the IRS got it all.

* Do you have any idea how many places there are that have money available? Have you noticed we don’t look like we’re on that list? That’s because we don’t have any money.
* We are consistently poor. We are okay with that. The state has made sure we have a psychologist so we can be okay with that. If you want to rob somebody, get a psychology degree. The state is paying him $120 per hour to tell us its okay to be poor as long as we’re consistent and have an identity.

* We got no mo money. We bought plastic laundry baskets so we could get organized. We bought little circle tabs in different colors so we could be color-coded. We got cleaning sprays so we could clean and disinfect everything in our house. We obviously ran out of money about half way through the grocery store because we forgot to get icecream and had to put some things back. You’ve got to be kidding. If you robbed a street person or a senator at least you’d get their liquor money.

* My company explained to me what down-sizing means. Would you like me to explain it to you? Yes, I do have an attitude, don’t I?

* Are you sure it wouldn’t be easier to get a job hanging gutter or something? My mother-in-law knows lots of jobs. I know, because she keeps trying to get me one.

* When I grow up, I’m going to be rich and famous. At this rate, I’m never going to grow up. Check with me later.

* I thought about being a criminal. There couldn’t be much money in it, if you’re this desperate. That’s pathetic.

* If I had five dollars, my kids or wife spent it already.

* Did you do your homework about this? The only thing here is dirty clothes. Help yourself. We could use all the help we can get.

* We are too poor to spit and got none to spit with. What were you thinking?

* Demographics is a big word that means to check and see how much people got before you try to go and get it from them. You might want to check our demographics. We are in the ain’t got none category.

* Are you dreaming? We don’t have money or anything else of value. We are dreaming that we might have something someday but you’re dreaming, if you think that day is today.

* Go steal somewhere else. We are not worth the effort. We would hate to see you waste your valuable time here.

* When you got up this morning – did you engage your brain? There has never been enough money here to buy anything we could sell if we had to.

The Got No Money Guide to Home and Personal Security

Most people get a sticker for their window that says,  Protected by xx Security and Alarm  or something like that. Then, of course, every month there is a fee for the company to protect the property by manning the alarms.

When you got no money, that isn’t realistic. So, to help the world of folks with no money, these are anti-theft suggestions and crime deterrents as stickers for the home, car and personal property:

 More Got No Money Home and Personal Security

More stickers for the protection of home, self and property:

Got No Money Guide 2007 Anti-Theft Bumper Stickers – More from 2007

It’s easy to understand that a little sticker on the car or home windows could deter criminals from desiring an end prize that isn’t worth it. Security company logos are used on property all the time to let the bad guys know the risk involved. But, if the thieves only knew . . .

* Before stealing this car – check the gas gauge. Yes, it is on E isn’t it?

* And how much money did you bring with you to stop by the Quicky Mart for gas? If things are bad enough to be stealing this car, you are in for a shock when you stop for gas . . . You know, it doesn’t go without gas, right?
* Apparently “D” doesn’t stand for “Daring to Believe”. I wish I had known that before I bought it and spent all my money to drive it. If you want to steal it, let me know and I’ll send you the payment book, the insurance forms and the maintenance schedule. You can have it all.

* The only air conditioning on this car is rolling down the windows. You might want to know what that rattling sound is under the car. Never mind – go ahead and steal it.

* Isn’t this just the perfect car you’ve always wanted? I felt that way, too. Would you like to know why I don’t feel that way anymore?

* This is a really slow way to make a living – stealing cars. It is NOT a million dollar idea

* If you knew what the auto mechanic wanted to fix this car – you’d get out of the business of stealing and be a mechanic.

* Next year, I‘m getting a better car – come back later.

* God may forgive you for stealing this car – but you’ll have a hard time forgiving yourself after driving it a week. It’d be a good little car with new rotors, brakes and tires. Well, maybe with that and some other things, too.

* You just made my day. Thanks so much for wanting something I have. And my mom said this car was a worthless piece of – well, never mind what she said.

* I have a bank account I can’t keep a hundred dollars in and you think I have bank cards, credit cards and cash? What drugs are you on – that must be some good stuff. Just off in your own happy little la-la land, aren’t you?

* I have a daughter who is just your type. Leave your name and phone number – we’ll get back to you.

* Don’t worry about stealing the car – our daughter will find it when she’s ready to go somewhere and bring it back to you with no gas in it.

* Just because I look like I’ve got money – it doesn’t make it so. Just ask my mother-in-law.

* Let’s look at this. Stealing isn’t efficient. Hacking is efficient. But neither is efficient compared to being an attorney. Boy, do you need guidance.

* If my credit cards weren’t maxed out – I’d be on vacation. Kinda figures, doesn’t it.

* Take three steps back and get a good look at this car. If that doesn’t make you wanna steal something else, there is nothing I can do for you.

* Did you see that little ding in the bumper I put in it last week? You wouldn’t think going over one of those parking stubs would twist the frame and ding up the fender, would you? By the way, when you steal this car, you need to know the steering is a little loosey-goosey, too. Don’t ask. . .

* Somebody already ripped the tag off this car which wasn’t legal anyway because I didn’t have the money to go to the tag office and get the sticker for it. But that’s okay, I think the insurance was due at the same time.

* Have you considered that pimping a ride doesn’t mean using mine to do it?

* If you don’t have any money today – obviously – then after stealing this car and driving it a month – you’ll be in the same boat that I’m in.

* You just thought you were broke. Try having my lifestyle.

* The first Tuesday of next month, our house is being sold on the courthouse steps. The light bill is overdue by two months and the water was turned off yesterday. Now – let’s think this through. Do you really think the finance company will let you keep this car after you steal it? We’ve been hiding it from the repo man for months. Good luck.

* This house would be protected by a guard dog but you have to feed them.

* When we had money, we spent it the same day for beer, cigarettes and putting gas in the car. You might want to reconsider your options.

* Our dope man is our best friend. Guess where all our money is? Let us know and we’ll hook you up. Yes, his place does have an alarm system but you can get around that.

* Would you consider a barter? You can have all our credit cards and we’ll take your car.

* No, that is not a jump rope holding the car door on. It might look that way, but as long as you don’t open that door . . .

* If you break into this house, be careful where you step. Our dog hasn’t been out of the house for a week. The vet said Bebe won’t be contagious in a few more days. She is a little aggravated, though.

* We are not liable for any injuries arising from your attempt to steal from us.

* We took the best class in tae kwon do. It’ll be nice to have a chance to practice. Go for it.

* When you got up this morning, what were you thinking? Have you noticed the gas prices lately? What would make you think we have any money?

* There is a penny jar in the top cabinet. Have at it.
* Did you see all that fancy underwear from the mall in my lingerie drawer when you were hunting for money? Do you know what $35 will buy at the Mall?

* We had money until we went by Home Depot this morning. You should not watch those home improvement shows, if you want to have any money in the bank.

* We have two teenagers with cellphones. Do you have any idea what this means?

* Financially incompetent since the divorce. Ask my ex-husband.

* We spent more on the x-box than anything else. If you’re here to steal, take it. Maybe my grown children will move out.

* Global warming notwithstanding, you might want to get the fuel pump fixed if you steal this car. Or, do you believe walking is doing your part for the environment?

* Everything we own needs fixing. If it isn’t broken, needs painting or needs to be replaced, my husband got it in the divorce. Let me get you his address.

* Our car gets three miles to the gallon.
* Take it easy. This is not one of your best ideas. Our house note is behind because we only had enough money to give the IRS and buy groceries. There’s a can of tuna in the cabinet, help yourself.

* Our tv isn’t worth what we paid for it. We still have a vcr from 1980 something. I don’t know what there is steal. I haven’t been to Wal-Mart in over two months.

* I don’t have a laptop. My cellphone needs minutes bought for it because I’m out of minutes. There isn’t a loaf of bread in the house and if you steal anything here – you’re on your own. It probably needed replacing ten years ago.

* Would you believe our tv still has rabbit ears?

* I used to have a good attitude until I was laid off or down-sized or whatever they’re calling it now. You really DON’T want to get in the car with me. Take my word for it – I am psychotic.
* This property protected by permanent hostility towards anybody with money – this includes you. Since you’ve been stealing to make a living – you obviously have more money than I do.

* Tremendously aggravated taxpayer within. Be a hero. Go ahead, I’ve got nothing better to do.

* We ordered a pizza with our last thirty dollars. Try again next week.

* Grossly underpaid, overtaxed and stressed out.

* My psychiatrist says I’m at the breaking point. Steal from me at your own risk. I won’t necessarily go postal on you.

* You could get a real job easier than this. I know you already realize stealing is a lot harder than it looks. A lot of jobs give you money just to show up on time. You apparently know how to do that.

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